Who are the adults of the adult world? Lawyers. That’s why everybody hates them, and nobody can do without them.

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$151,000, just sitting there in a market-tracking account, makes as much money every year as a full-time minimum-wage worker.

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Trump is a moron.

insurmountablerat

In a Vanity Fair story:

Recent allegations made by media commentator Judge Andrew Napolitano about G.C.H.Q. being asked to conduct ‘wiretapping’ against the then president-elect are nonsense,” the British spy agency said in a notably pointed statement. “They are utterly ridiculous and should be ignored.”

 

This is the first evidence I’ve seen that foreign governments think Trump is an authentic moron, and they have no qualms with politely saying so out loud. Good for foreign governments!

 

Q: “What do you think about the people who came up with this crazy-ass conspiracy idea?”

A: “They are utterly ridiculous and should be ignored.”

 

Later in the story, Trump refuses to apologize, and says he was only quoting someone:  “All we did was quote a very talented legal mind.” Hey, buckethead, you can probably walk fifty paces in any direction from your chair in the Oval Office and find somebody standing there who knows the answer, and will tell it to you. This “I don’t know, I read it somewhere” shit is horrifying  coming from the president of the United States and needs to stop.

 

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Let’s keep one thing straight

People, the only reason we know about things is the press. People.
We wouldn’t know about Russia or China or global warming or Trump or Wikileaks without the press. We wouldn’t know fuck-all. The press is *how* we’re free.

People, people, people.

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selfie

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exciting times

If Hillary Clinton is elected, it will mark only the second time that a married couple has been elected individually to the Presidency, following Grover Cleveland and husband Benjamin Cleveland Harrison. Truly a remarkable accomplishment.

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Rough draft

“Beware March 15th. It’s next week, I think it’s a Thursday.”

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salute to progress

We die more complicatedly and with more nuance than ever before. In comparison, the ways our fathers and mothers died were larks, pieces of cake. Smug, but as citizens of the 21st century, the best century, we’re entitled to be smug.

I imagine a hundred years from now people will look back at the desperately uncomplicated ways we died in the 21st century and chuckle, but I also imagine those people to be insufferably smug, insufferably so.

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morons

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death of lol. Also, asshat.

lulz

 

Lol is dead, Facebook says — ‘haha’ is the new way to say that you’re laughing

Also,

Burger King and their yip advertising gimmick

What a bunch of transparent asshats. Can I say ‘asshat’ anymore?

First they came for the dipshits, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a dipshit. Then they came for the asshats, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t an asshat. Then they came for the fuckwits, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a fuckwit. Then they came for me, lol.

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sign

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Moondogs

I saw them on a trip Deep South, and then again on another trip Deep South, during the last few months. They are spectacular. Clearly, they are not spectacular in the way that bombs exploding or cop cars careering through the streets is spectacular; they are spectacular in that their beauty and natural rarity allow (almost force) a communing with people from other ages who’ve seen these things over the eons.

The phenomenon that there are adult people who don’t care to understand how mindblowing this convergence of physics and human observance is frightens me to my core.

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Ebola

I fucking told you so.

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did you know?

A normally-proportioned person cannot effect changes on a haptic device (eg: Iphone, Kindle) with their toes. Toes are too far from the electric resonances occurring in the heart that drive haptic responses to allow an effective interface. You can discover this for yourself, while, for instance, shitting on your toilet while reading a Kindle placed on the floor in front of you. A page sweep attempted with either big toe will not elicit the expected response from the device.

Now: you know.

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SAVE PHOBOS

Mars’ inner moon Phobos is predicted to impact Mars in 30-50 million years. If everyone on Earth gives just one penny per year to the Save Phobos Foundation, Inc, in a few million years we will have enough pennies to make a stack that extends all the way to Phobos, which will probably affect its movement in some way that will more or less prevent things from leading to less desirable things. Please, won’t you give?

Save Phobos Foundation, a division of Prevent Bad Things From Happening LLC, a Colgate Company

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that Passat commercial with the woman who gives the ‘fuck me’ glance to the guy who knows the lyrics to ‘Rocket Man’

is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I am not happy with Volkswagen commercializing fuck-me glances. Not happy.

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1390051379-0

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Calculus and monsters

It is perfectly logical for a child to believe in monsters.

Most things she experiences are the first time she’s experiencing them. That something hasn’t happened to her yet is meaningless; most things haven’t happened to her yet.

She has *no way* of recognizing what is probable. *Everything* is probable. New, unimagined things happen every single day. The fact that something hasn’t yet happened to her has zero bearing on whether or not that thing normally happens.

 

 

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So Nick Cave has the power to raise some bullshit found-footage of women dancing with animal ears affixed to their heads to something profound and ungodly sensually mind-blowing.

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My God, she’s beautiful

Application:

1. Greta Scacchi

2. Jennifer Connelly

3. the girl in the ATT commercials

4. Donna Reed

5. Milla Jovovich

6. Rashida Jones

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