ectoblog.com

I have to assume that this is illegal, since I haven’t seen it yet. It’s certainly evil. It’s a car gizmo, a scrolling messenging system that would plug into the lighter receptacle. The messaging scroll would be affixed to the top 1/5 or so of the windshield, either front or back. Several canned messages would come with the system, like “thank you,” or “I’m stopping quickly” or such-like, but the real sell would be in the user-defined messages, which would probably run along the lines of “fuck you, asshole” or “you’ve got a blinker, use it, shithead.”

These things would sell like hotcakes.

I could make millions.

But it would be evil.

For reasons that only make sense to me, I’ve been eating vienna sausages recently. I was acquainted with them as a child, and only for this reason am I not filled with revulsion at the thought of them. From a purely clinical point of view, they are irretrievably nasty. I know that.

But I like them, at least for now.

As a person who knows his way around a vienna sausage, I am able to point out several things about them to lay people:

1) they are not as nasty as they once were. Back in the ’70’s, vienna sausages were packed in some sort of gelatinous substance, maybe even gelatin, that was unspeakably vile. Washing them thoroughly while trying not to come in contact with the jelly encasing them was a skill. Nowadays, they are packed in water, or brine, or watery brine. Whatever it is, it is not nearly as awful as the stuff they once used. I still wash them thoroughly, though, in tribute.

2) Libby’s brand vienna sausages are usually much more deformed than, say, Armour brand vienna sausages. I like my vienna sausages to appear to be perfect pink cylinders, with a ‘join’ on one side that reminds me of rivets and world war 2 battleships. Libby’s brand vienna sausages are typically not true cylinders; they bespeak a company and practices that simply don’t care for tradition and symmetry.

3) Vienna sausages must be eaten with something crunchy, such as crackers or corn chips. Otherwise, the vileness of their rubbery texture impinges on enjoyment.

4) Vienna sausages are almost pure fat, which helps my coat stay lustrous.

Vienna sausages: the original pink meat.

I don’t hate cats, unlike some people I know. However, I must say that tossing my cat into the pool just now gave me a lot of pleasure.

As it was in the middle of hissing and scratching me while I tried to delicately haul it inside after an entire day spent outside— it’s an inside cat— I only have a little remorse. Just a little. It’s not a nice cat.

Ten minutes after its refreshing dip in the pool, I donned some gloves, grabbed a towel, and retrieved her sorry ass from the backyard. She’s now in the dining room, sulking.

I feel sorry. Just a little.

There seems to be some controversy concerning UFOs seen by Mexican pilots. Various theories have been advanced. This goes without saying, but apparently some people need to hear it: it’s a natural phenomenon. It’s a fucking natural phenomenon. Spare me the hypothesis that what happened can be pinned on ET.

Conspiracy theories wear me out.

In January, 1966, 196 US soldiers died in Vietnam.

In April, 2004, 140 US soldiers died in Iraq. So far in May—that is, in the last two days— thirteen US soldiers have died.

This is a train wreck; a nightmare. This is utter bullshit.

Iraqi war casualties

I miss the days when I worried about mundane shit.