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Darwin takes back seat at new Creation Museum

An Australian evangelist named Ken Ham came to Kentucky to spread the Word. The Word is you should believe every single piece of the bible, no matter how silly or made-up it sounds. It’s all true, friends; believe it all. Because if you start backsliding on this or that, on apes or carbon dating or sense or what-not, you’re on the highway to hell:

“You’re then telling the next generation they can reinterpret the Bible. Then what we’ve lost is Christian morality. If there is no absolute authority and we’re just animals, why not do what you want to do?” asked Ham, whose books include Why Won’t They Listen? The Powers of Creation Evangelism.

It creeps me out every time I realize the Jesus-heads think that morality can only derive from fear of divine power. It creeps me out. And I’m glad they believe, because what kind of super freaks would they be if they didn’t think some gigantic be-lightning-bolted gorilla was just waiting for them to slip up?

“When we first started to research property in 1996, they caused all sorts of problems, and they stirred up trouble, and there were all sorts of things that went on.

“Anyway, as a result of all that, we lost that piece of property – it was 20 minutes off the freeway, and we were going to build a 30,000-square-foot building,” Ham said.

“The Lord directed us to this piece of property, right on a major freeway at a major interchange. And we decided to build a far bigger building (nearly 60,000 square feet), and a far bigger vision and a far bigger impact around the world – and I just want to thank, sincerely, the local secular humanist group.”

You churlish swine.

In related news, Roswell considers a UFO-themed amusement park.

Cindy Wainscott* Annette Hatfield writes in to the “Readers Comment” section of The Cincinnati Enquirer (Cincinnati is the largest nearby town):

I think it is wonderful that the Creation Museum is finally being completed and will open in our area. One question for those against its opening: What are you so afraid of? Our nation is one of free speech, enterprise and thought. Are you so afraid that your beliefs will not be able to stand when faced with competition? I know the Creation viewpoint can and will stand up against all opposition.

You’re goddamned right I’m afraid, Cindy Annette. You, and half of the country, and 3 of the 10 Republicans running for President, believe in magic. And when you believe in magic, you’re liable to do any damn thing that pops into your head, if you think it popped in there divinely. And you believe this stuff in the most benign of times. Can you imagine what will happen if and when the environment and our quality of life start to really crumble around the edges? Common sense is not these people’s strong suit. Anything could happen. I hope I don’t become too jaded to say “I told you so” when I’m lined up against the wall.

The Scientific American weighs in on what the new museum means for the Queen City:

Pro: Now Cincinnati will be known for something other than race riots.

Con: Now Young Earth Creationism, which one would hope would be recognized as both bad theology and bad science, has its Mecca. (Can a Hajj be far behind?)

But surely this is only American bufoonery. Surely we are the only ones with the dollars and without the sense to put something like this together. “Whither Canada?” you ask. Well, Canada whithers here, too.

CALGARY — The country’s first permanent creation museum — set to open June 5 — will use fossil displays to support the Bible’s explanation of creation.

Owner Harry Nibourg said the museum provides compelling evidence for creation and refutes any unguided, “natural” processes such as evolution.

Here’s Ken Ham in action, speaking to children (LA Times):

“Boys and girls, if a teacher so much as mentions evolution, or the Big Bang, or an era when dinosaurs ruled the Earth, “you put your hand up and you say, ‘Excuse me, were you there?’ Can you remember that?”

The children roared their assent.

“Sometimes people will answer, ‘No, but you weren’t there either,’ ” Ham told them. “Then you say, ‘No, I wasn’t, but I know someone who was, and I have his book about the history of the world.’ ” He waved his Bible in the air.

“Who’s the only one who’s always been there?” Ham asked.

“God!” the boys and girls shouted.

“Who’s the only one who knows everything?”

“God!”

“So who should you always trust, God or the scientists?”

The children answered with a thundering: “God!”

I don’t know about God. But I do know that creepy swine like Ken Ham know less about Him than I do.

*my apologies to Cindy Wainscott, whose only mistake** was to write in of her concerns about the museum just before Ms Hatfield.

**which was actually my mistake.