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Editor’s note: Because this universe’s New Orleans Saints have fallen apart quicker than 2 dollar tennis shoes and crushed the hopes and dreams of millions of fans who felt that maybe, MAYBE this was the year that the Saints would actually put to rest the “flash in the pan” talk that so ineluctably rises the year after the team does anything good, we’ve asked the ectostan in Alternate Universe #35 to speak today about how it feels to live in a world in which Sean, Drew, Deuce, Reggie, et al have been playing up to the hype and crushing their opponents so thoroughly that there has been talk around the league of instituting a 60 point “mercy rule” that would come into play at the beginning of the 4th quarter.

Ectostan: “How does it feel to inhabit such a magical world?”

Ectostan 35: “It feels great!”

The New Orleans Saints: 2 and 0 with no real competition on the horizon. We now return you to your normal, painfully predictable existence.

Popular Mechanics: 25 Skills Every Man Should Know

1. Patch a radiator hose
2. Protect your computer
3. Rescue a boater who as capsized
4. Frame a wall
5. Retouch digital photos
6. Back up a trailer
7. Build a campfire
8. Fix a dead outlet
9. Navigate with a map and compass
10. Use a torque wrench
11. Sharpen a knife
12. Perform CPR
13. Fillet a fish
14. Maneuver a car out of a skid
15. Get a car unstuck
16. Back up data
17. Paint a room
18. Mix concrete
19. Clean a bolt-action rifle
20. Change oil and filter
21. Hook up an HDTV
22. Bleed brakes
23. Paddle a canoe
24. Fix a bike flat
25. Extend your wireless network

I’m probably better off waiting for Scientific American or Pez Weekly to come out with their lists before I get all down on myself about this (”12. Fix a candy jam”). As it is, I know I can do most of these.

There are problematic entries, though. For instance, “21. Hook up an HDTV”–I’ve never had an HDTV, so I don’t know if I can hook it up, but how hard can it be? Probably not hard; maybe I should count that one. As far as “19. Clean a bolt-action rifle” is concerned… why, every man should know how to do that! That goes without even listing! I hate it when my bolt-action rifles get all dirty. Varmints and curs go un-shot when that happens.

I haven’t “13. Fillet a fish” ‘d since my days as a cub scout, but I’m sure I could worry some calories out of a fish carcass if I were called upon to do so now. But “4. Frame a wall”? I don’t even know what that means. It’s never appeared on my to-do list. “8:30: stack a block. 10:15: frame a wall.”

I’m pretty sure I’ll muddle through my life somehow without ever having framed a wall.

Recently, my hosting service (Midphase) has started to come apart at the seams. It’s one thing to have no access to the database and get the consequent “Wordpress Database Error” message; it’s another thing entirely when whole posts get swallowed up into the ether, which is what happened today. Two whole posts….gone.

Midphase has been telling us to bear with them as they move their servers from one farm to another, but that’s been going on for (literally) months now, and what should have been an improvement has resulted in the kind of service I’d expect only from drunken marmots. I didn’t mind…too much…when all I was losing was a little up-time. Now that I’ve lost actual posts, though…probably time to look for someone else. Any suggestions?