Category Archives: curmudgeonhood

They’re ALL going to die

I just noticed that they’re all going to die. They’re all going to die. I need to stop saying “Oh, that’s too bad” when celebrities keel over, because they’re all going to do that at some point, until I do. … Continue reading

Posted in curmudgeonhood, no hope, original research, thought lozengers | Comments Off on They’re ALL going to die

ferrets

I look at a video of some pet ferret doing ferret things, with uniquely lovable ferret-y interactions with its people and I think “they could be incorporated.” The weltanshauung has enough room for a third beast and its peculiar shenanigans. … Continue reading

Posted in big idea, curmudgeonhood | Comments Off on ferrets

Miss USA

Go pat yourselves on the back for trying to regain relevancy, you superannuated fucks.  Why do we have pageants in 2017? This century isn’t what I imagined it to be at all.  

Posted in curmudgeonhood, fear for humanity, news | Comments Off on Miss USA

The 21st Century

She’s cuddling him to get ahead in the dog-eat-dog world of zoos and nature preserves.

Posted in curmudgeonhood | Comments Off on The 21st Century

Norm!

Norm MacDonald is another in a series of ‘3 Stooges’ kind of guys, not that his humor is any kind of the same, but that women don’t get him. What the fuck up is with women?

Posted in curmudgeonhood, humor | Comments Off on Norm!

Bowling is Gross and Weird

I stopped bowling because putting on shoes that are not mine is gross and weird. In the nineties, I guess. Don’t ask me to don somebody else’s clothing. How did that even become a thing.

Posted in curmudgeonhood | Comments Off on Bowling is Gross and Weird

More Legroom

If I pay you an extra fifty dollars, I don’t want you to pinch me less hard, I want you to stop fucking pinching me. That’s why “more legroom” coach is such a hard sell. Yes, it’s better than regular … Continue reading

Posted in curmudgeonhood, original research | Comments Off on More Legroom

Puerto Rico

If we admit them, we’ll have to admit a slave state too. It’s more complicated than it looks.

Posted in curmudgeonhood, fear for humanity, original research | Comments Off on Puerto Rico

the best age

The twenties were the best. Hardly anyone you knew was dying.

Posted in curmudgeonhood | 1 Comment

Memo to termites

If you’re so attracted to light, there’s a god damn sun on all during the daytime you can feel free to mob.  Fucking things.

Posted in curmudgeonhood, ragnarok, weather | Comments Off on Memo to termites

Who are the adults of the adult world? Lawyers. That’s why everybody hates them, and nobody can do without them.

Posted in big idea, curmudgeonhood | Comments Off on

Trump is a moron.

In a Vanity Fair story: “Recent allegations made by media commentator Judge Andrew Napolitano about G.C.H.Q. being asked to conduct ‘wiretapping’ against the then president-elect are nonsense,” the British spy agency said in a notably pointed statement. “They are utterly … Continue reading

Posted in curmudgeonhood, politics, quotes | Comments Off on Trump is a moron.

Let’s keep one thing straight

People, the only reason we know about things is the press. People. We wouldn’t know about Russia or China or global warming or Trump or Wikileaks without the press. We wouldn’t know fuck-all. The press is *how* we’re free. People, … Continue reading

Posted in curmudgeonhood, fear for humanity, hope | Comments Off on Let’s keep one thing straight

salute to progress

We die more complicatedly and with more nuance than ever before. In comparison, the ways our fathers and mothers died were larks, pieces of cake. Smug, but as citizens of the 21st century, the best century, we’re entitled to be smug. I … Continue reading

Posted in big idea, curmudgeonhood, fear for humanity | Comments Off on salute to progress

death of lol. Also, asshat.

  “Lol is dead, Facebook says — ‘haha’ is the new way to say that you’re laughing“ Also, Burger King and their yip advertising gimmick What a bunch of transparent asshats. Can I say ‘asshat’ anymore? First they came for … Continue reading

Posted in curmudgeonhood, lies, Links, money, no hope | Comments Off on death of lol. Also, asshat.

Moondogs

I saw them on a trip Deep South, and then again on another trip Deep South, during the last few months. They are spectacular. Clearly, they are not spectacular in the way that bombs exploding or cop cars careering through … Continue reading

Posted in curmudgeonhood, false hope, fear for humanity, hope, no hope, outside, sky | Comments Off on Moondogs

Ebola

I fucking told you so.

Posted in curmudgeonhood | Comments Off on Ebola

that Passat commercial with the woman who gives the ‘fuck me’ glance to the guy who knows the lyrics to ‘Rocket Man’

is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I am not happy with Volkswagen commercializing fuck-me glances. Not happy.

Posted in curmudgeonhood | Comments Off on that Passat commercial with the woman who gives the ‘fuck me’ glance to the guy who knows the lyrics to ‘Rocket Man’

Posted in curmudgeonhood, picture | Comments Off on

Posted in comics, curmudgeonhood, humor | Comments Off on