Category Archives: curmudgeonhood

The 21st Century

She’s cuddling him to get ahead in the dog-eat-dog world of zoos and nature preserves.

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Norm!

Norm MacDonald is another in a series of ‘3 Stooges’ kind of guys, not that his humor is any kind of the same, but that women don’t get him. What the fuck up is with women?

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Bowling is Gross and Weird

I stopped bowling because putting on shoes that are not mine is gross and weird. In the nineties, I guess. Don’t ask me to don somebody else’s clothing. How did that even become a thing.

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More Legroom

If I pay you an extra fifty dollars, I don’t want you to pinch me less hard, I want you to stop fucking pinching me. That’s why “more legroom” coach is such a hard sell. Yes, it’s better than regular … Continue reading

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Puerto Rico

If we admit them, we’ll have to admit a slave state too. It’s more complicated than it looks.

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the best age

The twenties were the best. Hardly anyone you knew was dying.

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Memo to termites

If you’re so attracted to light, there’s a god damn sun on all during the daytime you can feel free to mob.  Fucking things.

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A Given

It is the Lord’s will that you not remain sober all the days of your lives. It pleases Him that you do not.

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Who are the adults of the adult world? Lawyers. That’s why everybody hates them, and nobody can do without them.

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Trump is a moron.

In a Vanity Fair story: “Recent allegations made by media commentator Judge Andrew Napolitano about G.C.H.Q. being asked to conduct ‘wiretapping’ against the then president-elect are nonsense,” the British spy agency said in a notably pointed statement. “They are utterly … Continue reading

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Let’s keep one thing straight

People, the only reason we know about things is the press. People. We wouldn’t know about Russia or China or global warming or Trump or Wikileaks without the press. We wouldn’t know fuck-all. The press is *how* we’re free. People, … Continue reading

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salute to progress

We die more complicatedly and with more nuance than ever before. In comparison, the ways our fathers and mothers died were larks, pieces of cake. Smug, but as citizens of the 21st century, the best century, we’re entitled to be smug. I … Continue reading

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death of lol. Also, asshat.

  “Lol is dead, Facebook says — ‘haha’ is the new way to say that you’re laughing“ Also, Burger King and their yip advertising gimmick What a bunch of transparent asshats. Can I say ‘asshat’ anymore? First they came for … Continue reading

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Moondogs

I saw them on a trip Deep South, and then again on another trip Deep South, during the last few months. They are spectacular. Clearly, they are not spectacular in the way that bombs exploding or cop cars careering through … Continue reading

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Ebola

I fucking told you so.

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that Passat commercial with the woman who gives the ‘fuck me’ glance to the guy who knows the lyrics to ‘Rocket Man’

is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I am not happy with Volkswagen commercializing fuck-me glances. Not happy.

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run like hell, part 3

  This pell-mell stampede toward reducing everything to a list is killing me. Are we that stupid? Are the media that cynical? Are we now god damn babies who can’t think or attend to anything unless it’s in bullet format? Hell: … Continue reading

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run like hell, part 2

AP: A guide for fliers worried about Ebola outbreak If you’re too busy to click through to the guide, I’ve distilled its essence, dumped it down the kitchen sink, and replaced it with a more concise, useful guide: “1. stop worrying … Continue reading

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