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Category Archives: curmudgeonhood
They’re ALL going to die
I just noticed that they’re all going to die. They’re all going to die. I need to stop saying “Oh, that’s too bad” when celebrities keel over, because they’re all going to do that at some point, until I do. … Continue reading
Posted in curmudgeonhood, no hope, original research, thought lozengers
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ferrets
I look at a video of some pet ferret doing ferret things, with uniquely lovable ferret-y interactions with its people and I think “they could be incorporated.” The weltanshauung has enough room for a third beast and its peculiar shenanigans. … Continue reading
Posted in big idea, curmudgeonhood
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Miss USA
Go pat yourselves on the back for trying to regain relevancy, you superannuated fucks. Why do we have pageants in 2017? This century isn’t what I imagined it to be at all.
Posted in curmudgeonhood, fear for humanity, news
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The 21st Century
She’s cuddling him to get ahead in the dog-eat-dog world of zoos and nature preserves.
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Norm!
Norm MacDonald is another in a series of ‘3 Stooges’ kind of guys, not that his humor is any kind of the same, but that women don’t get him. What the fuck up is with women?
Posted in curmudgeonhood, humor
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Bowling is Gross and Weird
I stopped bowling because putting on shoes that are not mine is gross and weird. In the nineties, I guess. Don’t ask me to don somebody else’s clothing. How did that even become a thing.
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More Legroom
If I pay you an extra fifty dollars, I don’t want you to pinch me less hard, I want you to stop fucking pinching me. That’s why “more legroom” coach is such a hard sell. Yes, it’s better than regular … Continue reading
Posted in curmudgeonhood, original research
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Puerto Rico
If we admit them, we’ll have to admit a slave state too. It’s more complicated than it looks.
Posted in curmudgeonhood, fear for humanity, original research
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the best age
The twenties were the best. Hardly anyone you knew was dying.
Posted in curmudgeonhood
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Memo to termites
If you’re so attracted to light, there’s a god damn sun on all during the daytime you can feel free to mob. Fucking things.
Posted in curmudgeonhood, ragnarok, weather
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Who are the adults of the adult world? Lawyers. That’s why everybody hates them, and nobody can do without them.
Posted in big idea, curmudgeonhood
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Trump is a moron.
In a Vanity Fair story: “Recent allegations made by media commentator Judge Andrew Napolitano about G.C.H.Q. being asked to conduct ‘wiretapping’ against the then president-elect are nonsense,” the British spy agency said in a notably pointed statement. “They are utterly … Continue reading
Posted in curmudgeonhood, politics, quotes
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Let’s keep one thing straight
People, the only reason we know about things is the press. People. We wouldn’t know about Russia or China or global warming or Trump or Wikileaks without the press. We wouldn’t know fuck-all. The press is *how* we’re free. People, … Continue reading
Posted in curmudgeonhood, fear for humanity, hope
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salute to progress
We die more complicatedly and with more nuance than ever before. In comparison, the ways our fathers and mothers died were larks, pieces of cake. Smug, but as citizens of the 21st century, the best century, we’re entitled to be smug. I … Continue reading
Posted in big idea, curmudgeonhood, fear for humanity
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death of lol. Also, asshat.
“Lol is dead, Facebook says — ‘haha’ is the new way to say that you’re laughing“ Also, Burger King and their yip advertising gimmick What a bunch of transparent asshats. Can I say ‘asshat’ anymore? First they came for … Continue reading
Posted in curmudgeonhood, lies, Links, money, no hope
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Moondogs
I saw them on a trip Deep South, and then again on another trip Deep South, during the last few months. They are spectacular. Clearly, they are not spectacular in the way that bombs exploding or cop cars careering through … Continue reading
Posted in curmudgeonhood, false hope, fear for humanity, hope, no hope, outside, sky
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that Passat commercial with the woman who gives the ‘fuck me’ glance to the guy who knows the lyrics to ‘Rocket Man’
is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I am not happy with Volkswagen commercializing fuck-me glances. Not happy.
Posted in curmudgeonhood
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