Million Dollar Idea #3: McNeely’s Amazing Toad Ramp

Amazing!

Do you tire of fishing dead toads out of your pool day after day?

Do you fear that your pet might fall in one day while you are busy elsewhere and drown? Your pet, I mean?

Perhaps neighborhood toddlers climb your backyard fence from time to time to gaze into the pool’s enticing but deadly waters.

Well, fret no more! McNeely’s Amazing Toad Ramp could well be the answer to your various nightmares!

Merely clamp McNeely’s Amazing Toad Ramp onto one of the poles of the ladder in the deep end of your pool, and kiss unwanted dead toads, dogs, frogs, hogs, hamsters, and children goodbye!

The secret lies in the gentle-angled, non-skid surface that rises out of the dark waters and curves neatly to the dry pool edge. With McNeely’s Amazing Toad Ramp ratcheted firmly in place, toads and frogs now might conceivably drift into a position where they could grab the rough coating with their nimble froggy hands and haul themselves out of the chlorinated water– before the various chemicals degrade their nervous systems to the point that they seize up and float lifelessly into the skimmer! Boisterous puppies, cavorting perilously close to the pool edge and falling in while their master is inside drinking beer or shitting, perhaps, could extricate themselves from certain watery death merely by keeping their cool and swimming to McNeely’s Amazing Toad Ramp before they drowned from panicky exhaustion! And the same goes for toddlers, except for the froggy hands part!

You owe it to yourself to audition McNeely’s Amazing Toad Ramp. More than that, you owe it to all the little creatures around you which would otherwise die unspeakably horrible deaths if you don’t. Best of all, it’s guaranteed!*

McNeely’s Amazing Toad Ramp is only $49.95 (ratchets, non-skid surfacing, and surface sold separately).

*Guarantee does not apply.
This entry was posted in big idea, humor, third person. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Million Dollar Idea #3: McNeely’s Amazing Toad Ramp

  1. Nick Frik says:

    Hi! I found this post by googling “kiss dead children”. Keep up the good work!

  2. ectostan says:

    Thanks for stopping by, Nick.

Comments are closed.