Bowing to popular pressure, I have decided to describe my performance art idea in the blog. Everyone I’ve described it to agrees that it surpasses all other performance art ideas they have ever encountered. Almost everyone. Okay, the only person I’ve described it to, Brian, immediately denounced it as the single worst thing he’d ever heard of, but I could tell he was only being brutally honest. Here it is:
1. 4 folding chairs, occupied by 4 people.
2. the folding chairs are placed in someone’s yard, right next to a 4-way intersection, facing it. Could be Brian’s house’s yard; let’s pretend it is so.
3. the performance has a beginning, a middle, and an ending.
4. the beginning is at 2 in the morning, when the 4 people drag the folding chairs to the corner of the yard facing the intersection. The chairs are in a row. The 4 people sit in the chairs, facing the intersection.
5. they don’t speak to each other.
6. any time a car comes to the intersection and leaves it, the people comment on the adequacy of the driver’s stop.
7. hours drag by.
8. the middle of the performance happens at 3 or 4 in the morning, when no car has been by for a long time.
9. it is permissible to comment on a pedestrian’s choice of dog breed if one walks by, but only if the comment is loud enough that the pedestrian hears it.
10. the end of the performance happens around 6 or so, just as day people begin to enliven the mind-numbingly boring event.
11. at the end, around 6, the people get up, fold the chairs, and go back inside the house, which we’ve already agreed for the purposes of this blog entry, is Brian’s.
Sliced bread, move over!