I must speak of Curling.
I actually enjoyed watching Curling at the Winter Olympics a couple years ago. The rules seemed to be obvious, and I could understand the commenters’ critiques of the various teams’ strategies. All in all, Curling doesn’t appear to violate any of my four laws (I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt on the hot dog rule).
But Curling’s out, obviously, so I have to make up a new rule that it does violate: “The use of whiskbrooms is not allowed in any Olympic Sport.”
There, I feel much better.