there you go again

GOP WAR ROOM, OXFORD, MS, 7:30PM, CDT

HANDLER: Okay, let’s go through it one more time, Senator. When you come out onto the podium, what do you do?

McCain: I shake hands.

HANDLER: Right, right. But what do you NOT do?

McCain: I don’t make eye contact with him?

HANDLER: Good! Very good. Remember that. Never look at him. Pretend like he’s not even there. Pretend like he’s a nobody, like he doesn’t even exist.

McCain: Okay, no eye contact. Just for then, or for the whole thing?

HANDLER: My God, it’s like you want to lose this thing. Obama doesn’t exist for you. It’s just you, Lehrer, and the American people. But don’t look at the camera, either. Pretend Lehrer is the American people. Look at him, but try not to blink so much that he thinks you’re lying out your ass.

McCain: I don’t think I can do that.

HANDLER: Okay, leave that. Leave that for now, it’s not important. The important thing is to pretend like the other guy is so beyond contempt that you can’t even begin to fathom why people want to hear what he has to say.

McCain: I don’t understand. He’s the democratic nominee! People are interested in his views and what he has to say!

HANDLER: What did you just say?

McCain: People want to hear what he has to say?

HANDLER: No, the other thing..

McCain: He’s the democratic nominee?

HANDLER: No, the other thing!

McCain: I don’t understand.

HANDLER: That’s it! I don’t understand! That’s good; that’s very good.

McCain: I don’t understand.

HANDLER: Yes sir, I’m aware of that. But why don’t we use that phrase: “He doesn’t understand.” My God. This could be it. This could be the “There you go again!” of our time!

McCain: I don’t understand.

HANDLER: For fuck sake, sir, focus!

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