this is unacceptable

Dear God,

while we commend You for acting on our petition in a timely manner, this act is not quite what we were looking for. Frankly, we expected more from You in the portents department. A giant explosion, the largest ever witnessed, was a good idea, and we like the way You’re thinking. But x-rays? Something only our machines can see? What the hell?

No, what we had in mind was something that happens in the sky that’s visibly bright enough and lasts long enough to allow everyone to see it and contemplate it. Something you can yell inside to the kids about, and they can get outside in time to see. A tenth of a second x-ray spike, albeit ‘brighter’ than the moon, is simply unacceptable.

Don’t get us wrong; the fact that the event was harmless was a huge plus. Awesome but harmless is good.

But in light of the explosion’s inherent subtlety, we are resubmitting our petition. This time, let’s not fuck around with x-rays and gamma rays and tenths of seconds and what-not, please.

Thank you,

the teeming masses

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