a bit for Brian Regan

So President Ford died the other day. [applause]. Yeah, he was, like, 93 years old or something. I found out about it on CNN and I thought ‘Wow, Gerald Ford. About time.’ [laughter]. Not to be mean or anything, but the man was old. So I drove to the post office later in the day and noticed that the flag was at half staff, which surprised me. Usually when I see the flag at half staff, a tragedy’s happened. Some kind of unplanned event, like 9/11 or Pearl Harbor. Or the Alamo. Remember the Alamo? But Ford dying… I’m surprised he lived as long as he did. They should have flown the flag at twice staff every day after he turned 90. ‘Did you hear? Ford’s still alive!’ [laughter, drinks water]. Who tells the flag-flyers when to go to half staff? I figure the color guard was out there the day after he died, kind of looking at each other, you know, inching the flag up the pole, glancing over at the state flag-flyers to see what they were doing. ‘Hey; Michigan’s going past 3/4 staff! Is that right? What do we do?!’ [laughter]. And that’s just wrong, because you can’t depend on Michigan to show you the way. It’s a state. When’s the last time somebody died for their state? The US flag they fold up neatly and burn when it gets tattered. It’s a tradition. Old state flags they traditionally wad up and toss into the trash compactor. City flags? What does Los Angeles do with its flags when they’re worn out? Reverently recycle them into Denny’s placemats? [applause] I don’t know. But, 93, man; that’s old. That’s more than twice as old as I am. Which is comforting, in a way: people twice as old as I am can still be alive. That’s good, right? I’m not looking forward to the day when I can’t say that anymore. A day’s coming when I can’t say that. Because people twice as old as me won’t be old, they’ll be dead. [applause].

Brian, have your people give me a call. We’ll do lunch.

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