-
Chowderhead says
Categories
Archives
Category Archives: humor
Binder and Binder and Binder and Binder and Al
You never see any thalidomide babies anymore, you ever notice that?
I have begun the process of shitting him
I see a young lover with a flower, with hope, with trepidation, pulling petals away, murmuring “He shits me; he shits me not.” That’s how I see it.
Posted in humor
Comments Off on I have begun the process of shitting him
“Do you feel safer now that bin Laden is dead?” cnbc poll
I think the real question is “Do you feel sexier now that bin Laden is dead?” A: Yes, 15% sexier.
Posted in hope, humor, Mardi Gras
Comments Off on “Do you feel safer now that bin Laden is dead?” cnbc poll
That Guy
You know the feeling you get when you get caught looking at some girl’s tits, right? Or, even better, the feeling you get when you’ve been watching a child run around, looking cute, then you glance over at the parent … Continue reading
Posted in curmudgeonhood, humor, thought lozenges
Comments Off on That Guy
Songs, Week 53 Sort 1
This next piece is called “Songs, Week 53 Sort 1:” Songs, Week 53 Sort 1 1. Happy Birthday to You
Posted in humor, thought lozenges
Comments Off on Songs, Week 53 Sort 1
Day 17,455 Sort 32
I call this next piece “Day 17,455 Sort 32:” Day 17,455 Sort 32 1. that french fry 2. World Peace 3. new shoes
Posted in humor, thought lozenges
Comments Off on Day 17,455 Sort 32
Hi!
People always askin me how I am or how I been doin. Or they say “Hi!” and wave a hand. Anybody else get that? Seems like it happens to me almost every day. It’s weird, man.
I certainly wouldn’t call it ‘anal retentiveness’
I am the world’s greatest dishwasher loader. As such, I find it disturbing when I’ve been away and come back to find some simple folk have attempted to load it. There are so many things they don’t know how to … Continue reading
Posted in curmudgeonhood, humor
Comments Off on I certainly wouldn’t call it ‘anal retentiveness’
Sir John Dreaming
My dream night before last: I approach Sir John Gielgud at an interior hotel atrium overlook, saying “out of the way, I’m going to jump.” Sir John smiles, gives me a hug and says something sweet, witty and condescending I … Continue reading
Posted in humor
Comments Off on Sir John Dreaming
Because stick figures aren’t what I had in mind #3
Scientist in lab coat peering into microscope looking at a slide that is somehow obviously labeled “Formula 408” saying “God DAMN it!”
the ethnography of the liquor people
When I was a kid I wondered whether I’d turn in to one of the guys I read about, guys who ordered hot toddies in cherry-paneled rooms. Guys who smoked meerschaum pipes or large cigars while waiting for the butler … Continue reading
Posted in curmudgeonhood, humor, original research
1 Comment
A glass of grape juice with salt on the rim would not be the same thing
I could totally go for a kick-ass, homemade margarita right now. Right. Now. But I have no ingredients. I don’t even know what goes in a margarita; spanish-speaking persons in dimly lit restaurants make almost my entire yearly intake of … Continue reading
Posted in humor
Comments Off on A glass of grape juice with salt on the rim would not be the same thing
Fight Club
No one talks about Fight Club anymore, you ever notice that?
Posted in humor
Comments Off on Fight Club
What to save, what to save
Consider the classic hypothetical scenario: Your house is on fire and you can take only three things with you before the entire structure becomes engulfed in flames. What would you take? This one’s pretty easy for me. There’s not a … Continue reading
Posted in curmudgeonhood, humor, Links
Comments Off on What to save, what to save
Rock n Remus
I was listening to “Don’t Fear the Reaper” the other day For probably the first time in a long time My heart was in my throat, wishing them well In their mighty trek around all those helper verbs Through that … Continue reading
Prisencolinensinainciusol, alright?
Adriano Celentano takes a stab at sounding like he’s singing English without really singing English: If this is what Italians think English speakers sound like, we sound pretty frickin awesome. And talk about our dance moves!
hybrid fuel economy tall-tale
You know how it’s said that a hybrid gets better city mileage than highway mileage because 1) the gas engine shuts off when the car is stopped, and 2) because of regenerative braking? That’s gotta be bullshit, and here’s why: … Continue reading
Posted in curmudgeonhood, humor, original research, science
3 Comments
“Good for him!”
I started riding my bicycle again this week for the first time in a long time. You’ve probably seen me on the road; I’m that guy you pass that you look at for a couple seconds, then say, “Well, good … Continue reading
Posted in hope, humor, outside, thought lozenges
Comments Off on “Good for him!”
Can People Levitate?
“Can people levitate?” “‘Can people levitate?’” “Oh, I knew I shouldn’t have asked.” “‘Can people levitate?’” “Don’t…. I mean, it’s ‘No,’ isn’t it?” “…… Yes, it is ‘No.’”