Category Archives: humor

Posted on May 10, 2012 by ecto

It has been said that my new bumper sticker “How’s my drinking & driving? Call 555-1234” could be improved by adding “Hail, Satan” to the bottom.

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Binder and Binder and Binder and Binder and Al

Posted on October 18, 2011 by ecto

You never see any thalidomide babies anymore, you ever notice that?

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I have begun the process of shitting him

Posted on July 20, 2011 by ecto

I see a young lover with a flower, with hope, with trepidation, pulling petals away, murmuring “He shits me; he shits me not.” That’s how I see it.

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Posted on June 13, 2011 by ecto
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“Do you feel safer now that bin Laden is dead?” cnbc poll

Posted on May 2, 2011 by ecto

I think the real question is “Do you feel sexier now that bin Laden is dead?” A: Yes, 15% sexier.

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That Guy

Posted on April 20, 2011 by ecto

You know the feeling you get when you get caught looking at some girl’s tits, right? Or, even better, the feeling you get when you’ve been watching a child run around, looking cute, then you glance over at the parent … Continue reading →

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Songs, Week 53 Sort 1

Posted on January 26, 2011 by ecto

This next piece is called “Songs, Week 53 Sort 1:” Songs, Week 53 Sort 1 1. Happy Birthday to You

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Day 17,455 Sort 32

Posted on January 25, 2011 by ecto

I call this next piece “Day 17,455 Sort 32:” Day 17,455 Sort 32 1. that french fry 2. World Peace 3. new shoes

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Hi!

Posted on January 20, 2011 by ecto

People always askin me how I am or how I been doin. Or they say “Hi!” and wave a hand. Anybody else get that? Seems like it happens to me almost every day. It’s weird, man.

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I certainly wouldn’t call it ‘anal retentiveness’

Posted on September 22, 2010 by ecto

I am the world’s greatest dishwasher loader. As such, I find it disturbing when I’ve been away and come back to find some simple folk have attempted to load it. There are so many things they don’t know how to … Continue reading →

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Sir John Dreaming

Posted on September 21, 2010 by ecto

My dream  night before last: I approach Sir John Gielgud at an interior hotel atrium overlook, saying “out of the way, I’m going to jump.” Sir John smiles, gives me a hug and says something sweet, witty and condescending I … Continue reading →

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Because stick figures aren’t what I had in mind #3

Posted on September 19, 2010 by ecto

Scientist in lab coat peering into microscope looking at a slide that is somehow obviously labeled “Formula 408” saying “God DAMN it!”

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the ethnography of the liquor people

Posted on August 7, 2010 by ecto

When I was a kid I wondered whether I’d turn in to one of the guys I read about, guys who ordered hot toddies in cherry-paneled rooms. Guys who smoked meerschaum pipes or large cigars while waiting for the butler … Continue reading →

Posted in curmudgeonhood, humor, original research | 1 Comment

A glass of grape juice with salt on the rim would not be the same thing

Posted on May 8, 2010 by ecto

I could totally go for a kick-ass, homemade margarita right now. Right. Now. But I have no ingredients. I don’t even know what goes in a margarita; spanish-speaking persons in dimly lit restaurants make almost my entire yearly intake of … Continue reading →

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Fight Club

Posted on March 18, 2010 by ecto

No one talks about Fight Club anymore, you ever notice that?

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What to save, what to save

Posted on March 9, 2010 by ecto

Consider the classic hypothetical scenario: Your house is on fire and you can take only three things with you before the entire structure becomes engulfed in flames. What would you take? This one’s pretty easy for me. There’s not a … Continue reading →

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Rock n Remus

Posted on February 25, 2010 by ecto

I was listening to “Don’t Fear the Reaper” the other day For probably the first time in a long time My heart was in my throat, wishing them well In their mighty trek around all those helper verbs Through that … Continue reading →

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Prisencolinensinainciusol, alright?

Posted on February 9, 2010 by ecto

Adriano Celentano takes a stab at sounding like he’s singing English without really singing English: If this is what Italians think English speakers sound like, we sound pretty frickin awesome. And talk about our dance moves!

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hybrid fuel economy tall-tale

Posted on January 11, 2010 by ecto

You know how it’s said that a hybrid gets better city mileage than highway mileage because 1) the gas engine shuts off when the car is stopped, and 2) because of regenerative braking? That’s gotta be bullshit, and here’s why:  … Continue reading →

Posted in curmudgeonhood, humor, original research, science | 3 Comments

“Good for him!”

Posted on November 16, 2009 by ecto

I started riding my bicycle again this week for the first time in a long time. You’ve probably seen me on the road; I’m that guy you pass that you look at for a couple seconds, then say, “Well, good … Continue reading →

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