Category Archives: humor

Can People Levitate?

“Can people levitate?” “‘Can people levitate?’” “Oh, I knew I shouldn’t have asked.” “‘Can people levitate?’” “Don’t…. I mean, it’s ‘No,’ isn’t it?” “…… Yes, it is ‘No.’”

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those lying, lying liars

You know how scientists and historians are liable to liken the total time civilization has existed versus the total time the earth has existed to “the blink of an eye?” At the drop of a hat? I’ve always taken their … Continue reading

Posted in big idea, curmudgeonhood, humor, original research, science | 5 Comments

Signs: two responses

And the sign said anybody caught trespassing would be shot on sight So I jumped on the fence and yelled at the house, Hey! what gives you the right To put up a fence to keep me out or to … Continue reading

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The Depression to end all depressions

So when do you think the people who keep calling World Depression I “The Great Depression” will be considered old-fashioned and quaint? I’m thinking ’12 or ’13.

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Beat-les

What am I, 45? I only now noticed that embedded in the rock group “The Beatles” name is the word “Beat.” Which is pretty much probably why they chose that name. I know, it’s fucking inexplicable how I could have … Continue reading

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goodbye mnftiu.cc

Today I retired my ‘GetYourWarOn’ link from its regular spot in the always-open ‘Humor’ folder in my bookmarks to its new spot in the almost-always-closed ‘Old Humor’ sub-folder. It was indeed a sad day, but David Rees left me no … Continue reading

Posted in comics, humor | 1 Comment

hands

Whenever I watch The Colbert Report, I find my eyes drawn to Stephen’s hands and the way he moves them. He has extremely graceful hands, fascinating to watch; like two nervous birds attached way out there on the ends of … Continue reading

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I pledge allegiance

Bellamy salute – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia The Bellamy salute is the hand gesture described by Francis Bellamy 1855-1931 to accompany the American Pledge of Allegiance, which he had authored. The gesture was derived from the Roman salute. This was … Continue reading

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World’s Oldest Person ®

114-year-old U.S. woman to be world’s oldest – CNN.com Baines will not officially be given the title until after Guinness World Records completes an investigation, the organization said. On the one hand I think it’s great that the governments of … Continue reading

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Pie

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Forward metaphor

In some cars, the ‘skip to the next song’ button is an arrow pointing right, and to the right of the ‘play’ button. Which makes sense for Western civilization, because that’s how we read. Things to the left are things … Continue reading

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Eddie Vedder and I are clearly different kinds of people

First of all, Eddie clearly remembers picking on the boy, something I don’t recall ever having done. More importantly, he also remembers being hit with a surprise left. Eddie’s implication here is that, if only Jeremy had thrown a punch … Continue reading

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stately idiots

I was outside a minute ago, watching the moon. Gibbous, almost full. Awesome. But what an idiot. It does the same thing over and over again. It’s one stately dude. Obeys all laws. Big as all get out. But, snoresville, … Continue reading

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How to Turn Your Car Into an Unstoppable Murder Machine

From divisibleby0.com: How to Turn Your Car Into an Unstoppable Murder Machine Step 3:

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Fredlines

As news has reared its ugly head recently, putinesque, one begins to realize we are living in interesting times. I’ve noticed that magazines and newspapers can’t keep up with the pace.  It’s one flaming brown sack of shit left on … Continue reading

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the age-old struggle

Over the past 10 years, I’ve gone from someone who treated boxers as alien ‘fogey-wear’ to someone who wore them when all his briefs were in the washer to someone who will ransack his dresser drawers to find a pair … Continue reading

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Because stick figures aren’t what I had in mind #2

panel 1: Man at desk, poring over book with a look of grim determination. Other books are stacked and scattered on the desktop. panel 2: With air of finality, man slams book shut with both hands. Relief and hard-won wisdom … Continue reading

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Relentless

We’ve had a subscription to The New Yorker for about four months now. I guess I got tired of having to wait until I had to use the facilities in other people’s houses to read it. I mainly got tired … Continue reading

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Turds of Glory

Earliest American Scat Found The earliest-known fossilized feces was found recently in Oregon, placing humans on the American continents 1000 years earlier than previously believed. What do you think? Sarah Fripp, Systems Analyst “I like to think that in thousands … Continue reading

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drinkability

“Drinkability,” as a rating of a beer, has to be among the most egregious bullshit terms ever devised by man. Drinkability. Drinkability. In a peer-reviewed paper (a peer-reviewed paper), drinkability is defined as “A beer that … invites the drinker … Continue reading

Posted in curmudgeonhood, fear for humanity, humor, money | 3 Comments